Having your own back...
The most consistent issue my clients present with is they beat themselves up, quite intensely, in some cases.
And it feels like this happens TO them, that they are in the victim in the situation.
The thoughts range from:
"I shouldn't be in debt; I'm such an idiot."
"I know how to lose weight, but I'm too lazy to do it!"
"I know how to do better, but I just don't have the willpower."
"I didn't do anything right today."
"I am never going to be able to have a successful business."
"I'm such an idiot."
"I know exactly how to fix ___________, but I always screw it up."
In regards to WHY they think they beat themselves up:
"It's just how I am."
"I've always been this way."
"It will help motivate me to do better next time."
"If I punish myself, I'll eventually learn how to do better."
"It just happens to me, and I can't understand why. If I could figure out why I beat myself up, I could fix it."
"I always betray myself."
"I just shut down and numb out."
"Because I really am an idiot. I should know better."
I know this song and dance all to well because I spent most of my life doing the same thing.
You are the victim when you beat yourself up.
But you're also the villain.
It feels awful because it seems like you can't escape, and you kinda can't when you're both.
And that often results in trying to numb out to make it stop (Netflix, eating, drinking, etc.)
So how do you stop?
First, stop trying to understand why you beat yourself up and "always have those thoughts."
You always have those thoughts because you have a human brain.
That's it.
There isn't a deeper reason, and you'll waste a ton of time trying to find one.
The you're-not-good-enough-might-as-well-give-up type of thoughts will always be available to you, effortlessly.
We all have them.
You will always have thoughts like, "Oh, I probably screwed that up."
You get to DECIDE if you believe the thought and double-down, or if you have your own back and let it go.
Doubling down:
"Yep, I always screw up. I screwed up _______, _______, ___________ and ______________. I always do this. Ugh! I should just stop and give up."
Then you feel defeated.
And when you feel defeated, how do you show up?
What actions do you typically take or not take when you feel defeated?
Having your own back looks like:
"It's possible that I screwed it up, but that's okay, I'll figure it out." And you go on about your day.
No drama.
No numbing out needed.
No indulgence.
Take a few minutes and imagine how different your life would be if you handled your self-defeating thoughts this way.
It's super simple, not easy necessarily (especially if this is a lifelong habit), but straightforward.
The first step is to take responsibility for it and acknowledge that you are choosing to double-down on the self-defeating thoughts.
What if it is that simple?
What if you can decide today that you will always have your own back, no matter what?
Even when you screw up?
You deserve to know how it feels to have your own back, no matter what.
And you're worthy of that, right now.
Having your own back even when there are areas of your life that you're not happy with, will help you improve those areas much quicker.
Waiting until you "fix everything" to have your own back, will guarantee that you don't fix anything.
Because you will beat yourself up along the journey and eventually shut down or numb out and lose any momentum that you had gained.
Having your own back now will lessen the urgency and desperation that you feel to fix everything, which oddly guarantees that you will achieve it must faster.
If this sounds like you and you're sure that you'll never be able to have your own back because of your specific circumstances, schedule a free consult with me.
Be willing to be wrong about this.
I will show you where you're missing the mark and what you need to do to fix that.
Best,
Machele
Machele Galloway is a Certified Life Coach through The Life Coach School. She's based in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and specializes in helping her clients manage their time and their minds. She firmly believes that you can't manage one without managing the other. She virtually coaches women nationwide. If she isn't coaching clients, she is studying concepts and techniques. And if she isn't doing that, she's probably playing with a dog or watching the Real Housewives of some city. - “Life is short. Play a little.”
