Self-sabotaging or need more discipline?
We all get the same 24 hours in a day.
We all decide how we're going to use ours - either by default (doing what we've always done/reactive mode) or by design by deliberately mapping out how we're going to use our time.
However, one of the common ways self-sabotage creeps in with my clients (and me for years) is they expect way too much from themselves.
Super high expectations, often anchored to self-worth.
"I need to do ALL THE things, or I'm just not doing enough."
There is a fine line between going big and chasing big goals (which I am ALL about) and setting yourself up for failure (which I am NOT all about.)
Think of it as if you get 25 "energy points" to spend each day.
So 2020 dropped some chaos on us all, no doubt about that.
Everything changed, and our worlds got flipped upside down. Some more than others, but we were all impacted.
I had several clients that tried to maintain the status quo or even level up how much they were doing each day.
They still had these huge expectations for themselves, and they couldn't keep up.
They were exhausted, and they wanted me to help them learn how to be more disciplined.
The ole fix-what-is-wrong-with-me-please vibe that many of us struggle with.
The only thing wrong was they were trying to use more energy points than they had.
Ten of those points went to managing the emotions of the heaviness of our new normal.
Yet my clients were trying to maintain what they were doing previously, and often do even more.
During a global pandemic.
And beating themselves up for not being able to do it.
They kinda forgot they were human.
They were basically trying to use 40 energy points in a day and beating themselves up for not keeping up.
They were chasing a unicorn and getting mad they couldn't find it.
Guaranteed failure.
I walked them through full-blown reboots.
We scratched their regular schedules and routines and started over.
We deducted ten energy points right out of the gate to use for managing all of the heavy emotions that came with our new normal.
And we used the remaining 15 to map out their new routines and schedules.
What was most critical based on this new normal?
We scheduled later wake up times because they weren't sleeping as well.
We scheduled fewer "heavy" projects each day.
We added more self-care throughout the day.
I taught them how to be compassionate towards themselves and this doesn't come easy for most.
I taught them how to let themselves be human (another one most of us forget.)
They changed their stories from "I totally screwed everything up today" to "Of course today was rough, I'm self-quarantined during a global crisis."
They relaxed more.
They learned what it meant to have their own back.
They stopped trying to spend 40 energy points in a day when they only had 15 to spare.
They stopped setting themselves up for failure.
They do the best they can each day and let it be okay when their best isn't that great.
Mostly, they remind themselves they are human.
Having your own back feels fantastic and is always an option.
No matter what.
Check-in with your expectations of yourself and get curious about how many energy points you're trying to spend each day.
Are you beating yourself up for not achieving the impossible expectations you set for yourself?
Let yourself be human and do a reboot.
How many points do you have left to use, and how do you want to use those?
If you are so in the weeds that you can't tell if you're expecting too much from yourself or just being "lazy" or "not disciplined enough", reach out to me.
I can help you cut through the mental noise to find out where you should focus your attention.
In one hour.
Best,
Machele
Machele Galloway is a Certified Life Coach through The Life Coach School. She's based in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and specializes in helping her clients manage their time and their minds. She firmly believes that you can't manage one without managing the other. She virtually coaches women nationwide. If she isn't coaching clients, she is studying concepts and techniques. And if she isn't doing that, she's probably playing with a dog or watching 90-day fiance, or the Real Housewives of some city. - “Life is short. Play a little.”
