Beat-myself-up-ville | Self-trust bank
I'm developing this new concept called the Self-Trust Bank; I'm still fine-tuning the details but wanted to share now because I'm kind of geeking out about it.
A self-trust bank is essentially a collection of evidence that you can do hard things, that you can honor your commitment to yourself and your values, even when it's not easy.
If I asked you to send me a list of mistakes you've made or times you've failed, how quickly could you pull that list together?
How long would it take you to come up with a list of things that you're proud of yourself for accomplishing and hard things that you've made it through? Which list comes more naturally for you?
If it's the latter, this concept might not be all that useful (and kudos to you!). If you could fire off the negative list in 2 seconds flat, but struggle with the positive list, this concept should be helpful.
Think of a goal you are working toward or a difficult situation you're trying to navigate and follow along.
I'll use weight loss as an example because I know that one inside and out. Back in the day, when I would step on the scale for my weekly weigh-in (never pretty after a work trip), and see that I had gained weight, and I'd spin out. My thought chatter looked a little like:
I'm never going to be able to do this
I just like to eat too much
I don't have the willpower
I'm just big-boned (haha, totally kidding on this one)
Ugh, I should just give up I don't know how other people do this!
Maybe I should just call it quits
I have been trying to do this for years and keep failing
I'm sure it was much uglier than this, but it's hard to remember.
My brain would immediately seek evidence that I was a failure. I would slip into a self-bashing cycle that would ultimately lead to me being face down in a bucket of queso (40th reference to queso), and beefing up the numbers on the scale.
My "self-trust bank" was empty. Nonexistent. I didn't trust myself to do hard things because I didn't have any evidence that I could. I could only see all of the ways I had screwed up, not honored my commitments to myself, and not had enough willpower to stay on track.
It's not because there wasn't any evidence (there was), it's because I wasn't even looking for it. The negative stuff came easy and felt like the only truth.
My fun little formula was: Set a weight loss goal + miss that goal + triggered to seek evidence that I sucked. Rinse and repeat.
Guess how that story ended? Lol, it was NOT with weight loss.
Okay, fast forward to current me. It's an entirely new ballgame now. My "self-trust bank" is pretty full. I've re-trained my brain to focus on the evidence that supports me, not the evidence that makes me feel defeated.
I'm not making things up and trying to think "pretty" thoughts, I'm just steering my mind in a new direction.
I focus on all of the things that I have been able to accomplish, difficult situations that I have survived, the things that required me to drum up courage that I didn't think was possible. I trust myself to make it through anything and to have my own back.
Yes, It might be a little messy (messes can be fun too #jagershots), but that's okay. Life happens in the mess.
It's a much different experience now when I step on the scale. If I hit my goal, I just rinse and repeat. If I don't hit my goal, I analyze what I did, make a few adjustments, and try again. It really is that scientific for me now.
I'm chipping away at it, slowly but surely, and not surprisingly, hitting my goal more often than not. And in the rare instances that I don't hit my goal and I start to take a left into beat-myself-up-Ville, I tap into my "self-trust bank" to get my mind back on the right track.
How full is your self-trust bank? Make an actual list. What hard things have you survived? When have you really stepped up to the plate for yourself or someone else? When have you been strong?
Have your list ready to go so you can easily review it the next time you get triggered and find yourself taking a hard left into beat-myself-up-Ville.
Practice focusing on the evidence that supports you, not the evidence that makes you feel defeated.
Machele Galloway is a Certified Life Coach through The Life Coach School. She's based in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and specializes in helping her clients manage their time and their minds. She firmly believes that you can't manage one without managing the other. She virtually coaches women nationwide. If she isn't coaching clients, she is studying concepts and techniques. And if she isn't doing that, she's probably playing with a dog somewhere. If you are interested in working with Machele, click here to schedule your free consultation to find out if it’s a good fit for you.
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