Wounded Bird

My 14-year-old niece, Lexi, is my little ride or die.

We hang out all the time now that I don’t hop on airplanes.

She’s super fun, sharp as a tack, and going through all the madness that comes with being a teenager. 

But she also has a Mom that is a hot mess. 

I mean this in a very factual way. 

I won’t air her dirty laundry and share the specifics,

But there isn’t a person on the planet that would say that she chose a good path in life. 

Herself included, I’m sure. 

It’s a lot.

And I have a lot of thoughts about the situation.

A bucket full of strong opinions.

It drives me absolutely crazy. 

I don’t get it. 

She lies to Lexi.

Often doesn’t show up when says she will (my brother has full custody).

She will go dark for months without a peep.

Is this considered airing dirty laundry? Lol Whatevs. 

The mother-daughter relationship is crucial.

And this one is a colossal cluster f*ck.

I watch, in slow motion, as my niece forms opinions about her worth based on how her Mom shows up.

And it sucks.

I can’t fix it for her. 

I intervene when I can, but we all know how brains work.

She’ll say it doesn’t bother her anymore as she is fighting back the tears.

I really have to fight the urge to reach out to her Mom and try to fix it all. 

But I can’t fix it and I know that. 

Even selfishly, for her, she’s missing out on watching her daughter grow into an amazing little human being.

And that sucks for her too. 

And it’s so sad for everyone.

The only part I can control is how I show up for my niece.

I have to put a muzzle on the part of me that wants to fix it all.

Because I can’t. 

All I can do is show up for her. 

Listen to her cry, comfort her the best I can, and just be there.

Always.

No matter what time she calls or whatever she needs from me.

I’m firmly convinced that life handles each of us a struggle (often in our childhood.) 

And from that struggle we develop our strengths and become who we are in the world.

I see this in my clients all the time.

Their strengths were developed from their struggle – you can’t have one without the other.

I know this will be true for her as well.

Luckily, she is open to advice and “life coachy” stuff.

She loves that I’m a life coach. 

Partially because I don’t travel anymore and partially because I help people for a living. 

She even gave my cell number to a homeless guy outside of a gas station and told him that her aunt could help him. (no joke) 

I’m looking forward to seeing who she becomes in life.

Because on the other side of her struggle will be an immense amount of strength. 

Once I described it to her using a “mommy bird” story. 

When a bird has babies in the nest, its job is to take care of those babies until they’re old enough to take care of themselves.

Now imagine if the mom bird is wounded. She still wants to take care of the babies, but she can’t. 

She can’t get to the nest.

It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with the babies, and if they were “better babies,” the Mom would get to the nest to help.

The Mom just can’t get to the nest because of her wounds.

She said, “My Mom doesn’t have any wounds, though.”

I said, “Yes, she does. You just can’t see hers.”

I’d love to change this and fix this for her.

But I can’t. 

This is her struggle, and arguing with reality won’t change that. 

And life is messy sometimes. 

We become who we are meant to be while learning how to navigate the mess created from our struggle. 

Best regards,
Machele

Machele Galloway is a Certified Life Coach through The Life Coach School. She's based in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and specializes in helping her clients manage their time and their minds. She firmly believes that you can't manage one without managing the other. She virtually coaches women nationwide. If she isn't coaching clients, she is studying concepts and techniques. And if she isn't doing that, she's probably playing with a dog or watching the Real Housewives of some city. - “Life is short. Play a little.”