"Fix-it" Detox
One of my clients has been on a mission to fix what is wrong with her since she was in high school and is over 50 now.
She can even pinpoint the exact moment that she realized that “something was wrong with her.”
She has been on a relentless mission to fix this long list of self-perceived flaws for well over 30 years.
She's too weak
She's only attracted to unavailable men
She never stands up for what is best for her.
She's an idiot.
She's pathetic for not getting over her last relationship quickly enough.
She's too easy going.
She doesn't fight for what she deserves.
She's stupid and doesn't know business stuff very well.
She doesn't have any self-worth.
She doesn't have any confidence.
The list is a mile long.
Every session, she presents a new problem that she has discovered over the last week, and she's usually pretty excited. She'll say "I figured it out. I figured out what was wrong with me!"
Because she firmly believes that when we fix everything on the list, she'll finally be happy. Be able to relax. Be worthy of a good relationship.
The problem isn't the list. It's her story when she believes that something is wrong with her, she always finds something wrong because that's all she's looking for.
She's so focused on finding what is wrong with her that she doesn't even see the things that AREN'T wrong with her.
She's not ignoring the good stuff; she legit cannot even see it because she doesn't look for it.
She is so knee-deep in her story that everything else sounds like BS. She is hugging a cactus, complaining about the pain, but holding onto that cactus for dear life.
It's my job to help her see the cactus, so-to-speak.
It's not my job to tell her how to fix it - it's my job to show her that nothing needs to be fixed. For her to REALLY understand that. The pain is coming from her story, not her list.
Sometimes it takes longer to let our stories go.
We hold on for dear life even when our story causes an insane amount of unnecessary suffering. But sometimes, we need to experience that pain before we can call uncle and let it go.
I will guide her through this process and fight for her when she wants to quit. I won't let her; I will use whatever it takes to help her keep trucking because I know she's close to the top of the mountain.
I know this one shift will change her life immediately - she will immediately experience those emotions that she has been chasing for most of her life - happiness, calm, relaxation, self-love, etc.. This one shift will change the entire trajectory of the rest of her life.
She can't see that yet, but I can. Clear as day.
I know that once she really sees her story objectively, everything will change immediately and her actions will change effortlessly. Organically.
She usually gives up on herself when the going gets tough. She can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel when she works through this alone. As her coach, it's my job to hold the flashlight so she can see the end of the tunnel.
It's my job to help her see that she doesn't have to fix this long list of flaws to feel better. All she has to do is drop the cactus, and once she sees that she's hugging a cactus, she'll naturally stop.
Her most recent homework assignment is a 30-day fix-it detox. She cannot spend any time trying to analyze, strategize, or fix any problems.
She hasn't felt what it's like to not be on a mission to fix something about herself since she was fifteen years old.
I created a "fix it later" list for her to jot down the things that come up over the next 30 days because her brain will definitely offer up suggestions (habit).
Writing it down a sheet of paper will feel productive to her brain and keep it from spinning the F out over it.
She will notice the thought/problem, add it to the list, and then move on with her day.
No indulging, no analyzing, no trying to understand “why”, none of that.
She is opening space for something other than “fix it energy” to exist. It will be a fascinating and enlightening process for her and I'm excited to help her through it all.
If you have a permanent “fix myself" mentality, give yourself a break, and practice loving yourself exactly as you are without trying to "fix" anything. For a week, a few days, a month. Start somewhere and do what you can.
When you're ready to go all-in and put this struggle behind you permanently, hit me up. I can help guide you through this process and keep you from giving up on yourself when the going gets tough.
Love your life,
Machele
Machele Galloway is a Certified Life Coach through The Life Coach School. She's based in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and specializes in helping her clients manage their time and their minds. She firmly believes that you can't manage one without managing the other. She virtually coaches women nationwide. If she isn't coaching clients, she is studying concepts and techniques. And if she isn't doing that, she's probably playing with a dog or watching the Real Housewives of some city. - “Life is short. Play a little.”
